Connection
by Sapphiro
Summary: In a universe where Miki and Seina don't meet until college, they meet in a most unexpected manner. Rated T for swearing.
The beat of the music felt like it was being drilled into your entire 18-year-old frame by the subwoofers that you were standing next to, and if you were being honest you could barely hear what your new classmate was trying to tell you. Something about their classes that had started this week, presumably. You only shared one class, though, so you weren't very concerned with the rest of her schedule.

The air stank of body sweat and cheap alcohol, but that was to be expected from a college party. Some upperclassmen had decided that the best way to inaugurate the new school year and subsequently the new freshmen was to throw a huge house party and, well, you were always looking for new, exciting experiences. You liked the feeling of being in a crowd, in a new environment teeming with new people for you to meet.

Even if you had been disinclined to come Hina would have dragged you with her in that incredibly forward manner of hers anyway. Hina was actually the one who heard about the party through her longtime girlfriend Yuna whom you'd met a couple of times. She seemed like a nice person, and certainly a good fit for Hina. You wondered if she were already here, but dismissed the thought. If she had been, Hina would have beelined for her, and you could see her talking with a track teammate in a different corner without the tall stature of her girlfriend beside her.

A passing body tried to hand you a plastic red cup, but you declined with a shake of your head. You'd tried one earlier and you hadn't liked the way the alcoholic liquid burned its way down your throat and then tried to come back up. Your brothers had warned you about what happened to innocent freshmen at events like this, and you wanted no part of that. All you wanted was a fun night of friends and partying, and getting wasted wasn't exactly conducive to that plan.

As the music changed to a more sultry tone you mind drifted accordingly to a more fitting topic. So far college had been a plethora of pretty girls but none of them spoke to you; none of them seemed to care about anything other than partying and boys. Frustratingly, you thought as you saw Hina walking towards you, they didn't mention anything about same-sex couples…

…

The swell of party chatter surrounded you, encased you in a bubble that both boxed you in and separated you from any singular conversation as you half-stood, half-sat upon the arm of a couch. You hadn't wanted to come until later; you and Miyu were supposed to come together after she finished practice but some girls from the photography department had seen you walking to your apartment and invited you. How could you refuse when they were being so nice? At first you didn't know what to do, as you had already agreed to go with Miyu, but upon their insistence you agreed with a text sent to Miyu explaining why you were going to the party early. She had responded in her usual mother-hen manner, making sure that you'd be safe and had a ride, but hadn't opposed your going.

And so here you sat, cup of untouched vodka in hand that you also had been unable to refuse, wondering if it was possible to make a polite escape. The conversations happening around you felt like sandpaper on your skin, the shallowness of the topics and the people leaving you with your usual despairing desire of wanting so much _more._ But that would be so awkward, coming back with Miyu later after having already left, and you didn't want to deny Miyu the party…

Why couldn't you have just said that you were going later? In your heart, you knew the answer. You had always been like this; without the ability to say no to whomever asked you of anything. You honestly liked helping people: it brought you a special joy to see their faces alight with gratitude after assisting them in their task. It was second nature to you to help first and ask questions later. But after you had gained a reputation for doing so, people started to ask you for things they didn't really need help with and were simply too lazy to do themselves. And yet, you still did it. You did it so they wouldn't think badly of you; you couldn't bear the thought of another's distain.

This is what your façade consisted of; half-truths, half-lies, swirling together until you could barely make out what you actually felt. You wanted to help, but the weight of expectation crushed your delight; you wanted people to like you, to get close to you, but you couldn't show them your true self out of fear, so they never would. You wished you could change, that _something_ would give, but you just didn't have the will, the impetus to do so yourself. If only there was someone who understood the struggle within your soul, who would reach out a hand to pull you out from within it…

Distantly, you hear a call for body shots, and suddenly the girls from the photography department are swarming around you.

"Aihara-san!"

"Aihara-san, you should totally do it!"

"Yeah Miki it'll be fun!"

Without waiting for a reply, they drag you forward.

…

From across the living room you could see Aihara-san being pressured by her classmates to answer the recent call, and you knew that she wouldn't refuse, that she couldn't. You didn't really understand why she couldn't, but she was one of Yuna-nee's friends, and you wanted to help her out. Usually it always seemed to fall on Yuna-nee to take care of things like this, but she wasn't here yet, having had to finish up breakfast preparations for the track team, and you were more than happy to take this particular burden from her. Quickly, you scanned the crowd for Seina; she was whom you needed in this situation. You spotted her by the speakers and strode towards her.

You and Seina had been friends since your second year of high school, and good friends at that. Her bright and forthright personality meshed well with you, and she filled your silences with the charm she naturally exuded. She didn't care about your relationship with Yuna-nee, and had in fact come out to you late in your second year. More importantly for your purposes, though, she was both extremely determined to see justice done and extremely gay, and Aihara-san seemed like just her type.

You reached her and, grabbing her wrist, started to pull her with you. "W-what? Hina? What's going on?" she asked as she flailed behind you.

You don't answer until you see someone with a saltshaker; in one move you grab it, shove it in Seina's hand and push her towards the direction of the kitchen with one of your signature thumbs-up. That should take care of things. Satisfied, you turn back to the party, grinning when a text from Yuna-nee showed that she'd arrive soon with Miyu in tow.

…

What the fuck was Hina doing? Was she really that drunk already? You didn't think so; Hina was one of the most responsible people you knew, but her actions made literally no sense. You stare confusedly at the saltshaker in your hand until rough hands are grabbing at your shoulders and a loud voice is shouting in your ear. "Hey! It looks like we've got the other one! Let's get this party started!"

Other one? Other what? What were they talking about? Too bewildered to resist you follow the boys into the kitchen, and upon rounding the corner, you almost drop the saltshaker in shock. Standing near the stove is the most stunning girl you've ever seen. Long hair, braided underneath, framed a delicate face perfectly; long, slender legs let her stand at least a head above you; tilting your head upwards, you stared into unfathomably deep brown eyes. While you stood in a daze gazing at the girl another boy was pressing a lime into her hands and shouting, "Alright, how're we gonna do this?"

All of a sudden it makes perfect sense; the saltshaker, the lime, the other girl; you were picked to do body shots. Holy _crap_ , you were going to do _body shots_ off of this beautiful girl? But wait, why did Hina pull you into this? Not that you're complaining (you liked trying new things, and you _certainly_ liked your partner for the activity), but it wasn't like her to get involved in things like this, and she knew it wasn't like you either. Maybe it was because of your counterpart? Looking back over at her, you see her fidgeting with the lime, eyes cast nervously at the floor, and a surge of protection rushes through you. Like you, she had been forced to do this, but maybe not by a well-meaning friend. As the boys searched the cabinets for tequila you sidle up to her and say lowly, "You know, you don't have to do this if you don't want to."

She blinks up in surprise, but swiftly looks away the moment your eyes meet. "N-no, it's alright, I don't really mind," she replies, but you aren't convinced in the slightest. Before you can say more, the boys return with the alcohol and grin at the both of you.

The one who took you from Hina speaks. "You guys ready for this?" With a glance at the taller girl, who still wouldn't meet your gaze, you nod. The boy continues, "How do you want to do it?"

You know he's referring to which one of you will be the giver and the taker, but you also know there are two ways to do a body shot. One way required you drinking the shot from her belly button, but with how nervous the other girl is, you decided to do it the other way. "I'll be taking the shot! Get me a glass!"

As they rummage through the kitchen again you set the saltshaker down and turn to the beautiful girl. "This, um, might be more comfortable for you if you're lying down," you say, and for the first time she meets your eyes. They're so, so guarded but you can see the intense nervousness simmering underneath. You want her to feel comfortable with you- you want this to be as painless as possible for her. She was allowing you to do a _body shot_ off of her; the least you could do was make sure she'd have a pleasurable experience.

At her nod, you stoop slightly and slide one arm around the back of her knees and the other around her waist, straightening to lift her bridal style. Another might have been worried about lifting someone taller than themselves, but you were confident in your strength. Walking a few steps, you set her on the counter and remove your arms, trying not to linger to feel more of her incredibly soft skin.

…

It's all you can do not to stare rudely at the girl a head and a half shorter than you that just picked you up like it was nothing and set you so gently on the counter. Instead, you stutter out a "T-thanks," and discretely try to look at her arms. Anyone that could pick you up that easily had to be packing _some_ muscle. It's hard to see under the shirt she's wearing, especially in the dim light of the party, but even through the fabric you can see the slight definition of her biceps and it does a little something to your insides that you can't quite describe. More importantly though, you were more impressed by the intent of her actions. You had been absolutely dreading going through with this, having to have some stranger suck liquids off of your body without your complete consent, but even since she entered the kitchen she had been mindful of your feelings.

The boys return and you see her pick up the saltshaker from where she set it down. "Alright!" one of them hollers, gaining the attention of most of the party. "Here's how this is gonna go! This one," he gestures to the shorter girl, " will lick the salt off of this one," at this he points at you, drawing a round of cacophonous cheers, "take the shot and suck the lime from her mouth!"

You stare down at the lime in your hand with trepidation. You had been unaware of that part- you thought they took the lime from your hand, not your mouth. Vaguely you see the other girl crawling onto the counter, but panic is starting to cloud your senses. What the fuck had you gotten yourself into this time? Why couldn't you have just said no when the shorter girl gave you an out? You knew you had trouble saying no to people, but this was going a little too far. Her shadow over you draws your attention, cutting through the fear, and you glance up to see her self-consciously holding the saltshaker in her hand.

"Hey," she says softly. "Where is it okay for me to put this?" as she slightly hefts the shaker with her words. Wordlessly you point to your shoulder; that's the least offensive body part, right? It can't get too raunchy off of your _shoulder_. With the utmost care she reaches out, drawing down the sleeve of you blouse to expose just enough of your shoulder to put the salt on. You notice her hands are shaking slightly, and you wonder if she's just as nervous as you are. Again her consideration hits you, and it helps, a little, to ease the uneasiness inside of you.

Once she finishes salting your skin she turns to the side to accept the shot and you take this moment to ready yourself, slipping the lime between your lips and holding it gently with your teeth. There was nothing you could do to stop this now, and strangely enough, it didn't seem half as bad as it appeared before you met this oddly considerate girl. "Are you ready?" she asks you, and with a deep inhale you nod. You watch her dip her head down, and the moment her mouth touches your skin you feel _fire_.

…

You drag your tongue along the salt, feeling the coarse texture fill your mouth. You make sure to keep your touch light and your body weight off of the girl underneath you; you wanted to be as considerate as possible, and you don't think she'd appreciate having you accidentally fall on top of her. Nevertheless, the warmth emanating from her seeps into your skin and generates a low buzz that you can feel thrumming throughout your entire body, urging you to connect skin to skin.

The advice your brothers gave you pounds in your head, warring with your desire to be respectful of the other girl's feelings. _Trust your instincts_ they had said, but what your instincts were telling you right now was that you really liked this girl and you really wanted to disregard the raucous crowd around you and the lime in her mouth and just _kiss_ her, to see if her lips were as soft as the rest of her, to see if her mouth was as delectable as the shoulder you were licking. It takes all of your restraint to continue your slow, cautious pace when you hear the girl underneath you whimper when you pull back from her skin. "Are you okay?" you ask, but she only inclines her head, eyes shut, and you take that as a yes before downing the shot and diving in for the lime.

…

You can't seem to comprehend what's happening; you don't understand the heat coursing through your veins, you can't explain the mixture of anticipation and desire swirling in your head, you can't keep pace with the insistent beating of your heart; all you can do is feel the ministrations of the girl above you and try to contain your reactions.

You've heard about this from your roommates; living with a couple, you've been present for more sex talks than you thought even you could handle. But you've never had it happen to you, you never thought it would but fuck it had felt like pure heat erupted across your skin when she dragged her tongue across your salt-spread shoulder and you desperately wished you had told her to put the salt on your stomach, your thighs, your neck- you wanted to feel her strong, wet muscle in a more intimate place.

It shocks you that when the time comes for her to suck the lime wedge out of your mouth you consider making her work for it, if only to feel her mouth on you a little longer. You couldn't help the whimper that escaped you when she pulled away, and her question only increased your desire for her. You didn't really understand what was happening but the only concrete feeling you could make out of this was that you wanted _more._

…

You didn't know it was possible to feel this much heat at one time but your body sparked into a raging inferno when she tugged on your bottom lip with her teeth, breath heavy on your face. You had wanted to get in and out, take the lime quickly before things had a chance to get out of hand, but that plan had gone flying out the window when she had instead sucked the lime inside her mouth and captured your lips with hers. She licked your lips, inviting you in, and soon you were tasting her, finding her to be sweet even with the lime on one side. Despite the passion running through you, you kept your hands firmly placed on either side of her head, unwilling to let this continue further with the party around you. She seemed to sense your reticence and smiled a little into the kiss before sucking on your tongue, making you moan and your elbows shake. _God_ , if she kept kissing you like this you weren't sure what was going to happen, party or not.

…

Amidst the throbbing pulse of the music and the loud cheering from the kiss no one heard the door open and angry stomping through the foyer.

...

You can sense the kiss coming to an end- the lime wedge is almost completely in the shorter girl's mouth at this point- but you don't want to stop. You never knew you could feel like this, never knew how good it felt to connect with someone physically. It was like bypassing your walls, like they never even existed, and soothing your soul that yes, there was someone that could sense and respond to your feelings and she was _right here,_ making your body shiver with need. Your arms come up to wrap around her, to keep her in place but unexpectedly someone else catches your hand and you are ripped away from the kiss. Opening your eyes, you see Miyu's furious face glaring at you, but for once you can't bring yourself to care; in fact, you feel annoyed at _her_ for stopping what you're pretty sure was the best kiss of your life.

Then she's dragging you off the counter and through the kitchen, her angered visage making the other partygoers jump out of her way. Before you know it you're almost at the entrance and you collect your wits enough for once glance back at the party. All you see before Miyu pulls you out the door is your counterpart kneeling on the counter with the lime between her lips, looking longingly after you.

"I am _so sorry_ you had to do that!" Miyu exclaims once you've both buckled into her car and she's started the engine. "I would have been there sooner but Yuna had to finish her track cooking duties and…" You nod absently at her apology, staring out the window at the streetlamps flickering by. The adrenaline of the kiss was starting to wear off, leaving confusion in its wake, but the heat between your legs was as unmistakable as the slightly salty taste in your mouth. You wanted more, wanted to see the other girl again, but you only realize as you're driving away from the house that you never learned her name.

…

"Hina, you should have _seen_ it, I don't know why you had to pick then of all times to go to the bathroom- but she was _so hot_ and that kiss! Hina, please, you have to tell me who she is," you beg, jogging beside Hina. It was the morning after the party and you honestly could not believe you were up this early running with Hina but you _needed_ to know who the other girl was. Maybe, though, this was not the best time to ask. Hina was obsessive about running and she didn't look like she'd be answering your question anytime soon, so with a sigh you decreased your speed and stepped off the track.

When the other girl had left- was pulled away from you, really, by another girl that looked ready to bite your head off- you had immediately gone in search of Hina to find out who your counterpart had been. However, Yuna had just arrived, and there was really no talking to Hina once she wanted to party with her girlfriend. You had decided to wait until the next morning and here you were, still without an answer.

Suddenly a horrifying thought hits you. That other girl- the one that had stopped the kiss- what if she was the beautiful girl's _girlfriend_? What if she entered the party to find her partner making out with someone else and _that's_ why they had stormed off? A terrible feeling of guilt begins to well up in your stomach. You might have done _body shots_ off of someone else's girlfriend. It would surely explain why the other girl had been so nervous, though not why she hadn't simply declined and _certainly_ not why she had kissed back.

More determined than ever to get answers from Hina you turn back to the track and feel the blood drain from your face at what you're sure is a world-record pace. There on the track is the angry, possible girlfriend of the girl you made out with last night and if looks could kill you'd be pushing daisies. Taking a cautionary step back, you turn fully around and try not to look too much like you're fleeing as you run back to your dorm. You'd have to get your information some other way.

…

"Ne, Miyu-senpai, why are you looking at Maki-san like that?" you inquire, slowing down enough to jog in place beside the vice-captain. As she turns to you to reply the murderous glare recedes from her face and morphs into a grimace.

"That girl- Maki-san?- was the one I found last night at the party taking advantage of Miki-san," she says, and at that you stop completely. Take advantage of? You were positive Seina would never do such a thing. Besides, you were the one that pushed them together in the first place.

"But I was the one that told Maki-san to do the body shots," you reply and Miyu jolts in shock, eyes widening to stare at you incredulously. "Yeah," you continue, "I saw Aihara-san being pressured into it so I got Maki-san to do it with her so it wouldn't be as bad. Did Maki-san do something wrong?"

"…No," Miyu says after a minute. "It just means I have some talking to do with my housemate." You nod and, satisfied, return to your run.

…

The world slowly begins to come into focus as you blearily open your eyes, squinting against the early morning light. For a blissful moment the only thought on your mind is the warm blanket of the sleep realm but all too soon the memories of last night come crashing back into your mind. With a groan you sit up, cradling your head in your hands.

You and Miyu hadn't really talked on the way back; well, she talked, and you listened to her; but when you got home you were so exhausted it was all you could do to change into your nightclothes and crawl into bed. As a result you hadn't really had the chance to think about the party and everything it entailed; the pushiness of the photography department, _the kiss_ , the absolute inanity of your classmates, _the kiss_ , the really cute girl that did a body shot off of you… and the kiss that followed.

Sighing, you flop back down onto your mattress. Even now in the light of day you couldn't really make sense of what had happened. It was unexpected, for sure; you didn't think you had it in you to feel that way about someone. You had hoped you could- you desperately wanted to because then it would finally mean that someone was actually close to you- but realistically she was just a stranger that was probably a freshman looking to fit in with the party. She didn't know anything about you and you didn't know anything about her.

…Other than the fact that she was a _fantastic_ kisser. You may not have had much sexual experience but _holy shit_ anyone who could move their tongue like that was no amateur. And fuck, those muscles…the way she had effortlessly picked you up, bridal style…the way she was so conscious of you, of your feelings. The way she tried at each and every turn to make you comfortable, how even blind with passion she tried to accommodate your hesitance. You hadn't missed how she refused to settle on top of you, or how she didn't allow things to progress further than kissing- and you were sure it wasn't because of a lack of desire because you had caught her moaning when you had sucked on her wandering, _amazing_ tongue.

If you were being honest with yourself, it didn't really matter to you that you barely knew her; you had felt a connection with her through your shared kiss that went deeper than anything you felt with people you had known for years. It was almost as if, with her actions towards you and the emotions she elicited within you, she had begun the capitulation of your pretense. You hadn't cared last night to correct Miyu in her assumptions, hadn't cared that she probably thought even less of your willpower than she did before, hadn't cared about anything but the intensity and _clarity_ of what you had been feeling. It was nice, for once, to care about yourself.

But…you didn't even know her name.

You lived in a large college filled with _hundreds_ of new freshmen- you weren't even sure she was a freshman!- and trying to find her would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. But also…you don't know that she felt the same way that you did. For all you know, last night had been a crazy college experiment with her sexuality and she was just a really nice straight girl that wanted to experience college in all of its glory. On that matter, what did last night mean in regards to _your_ sexuality? Were you gay now? You hadn't really dated anyone before- funnily enough, doing other people's work in addition to your own didn't really give you much free time- but you assumed that you were straight. Maybe you weren't, and it just took a really attractive, considerate stranger girl to make you realize.

Putting the matter of your preference aside, what were you going to do about this? You had no way to find her, and even if by some miracle you did you would- what- walk up to her and ask her to be your girlfriend? She was just a (probable) freshman that didn't want the pressure of commitment. Despite the feelings you felt for her, the thought of burdening her with your confession… you roll over onto your side, bitterness seeping through your reflection. Even now, at the cusp of change, your old instincts reared their heads. How could you possibly burden another, when you knew the heavy weight of other's expectations on you? You just…couldn't. Deep down, past the battle of invoked desire and provoked guilt, you felt the whisper of rejection.

Miyu chose that moment to walk into your room, pulling aside your curtains to allow even more light to spill across your covers. Pulling your chair from your desk, she sets it across from you and settles in it. "Good morning," she says, briskly, and eyes you like a particular interesting essay. God, it was too early in the morning for this, and you weren't ready to talk with the ache of melancholy still in your bones.

"'Morning," you mumble back, sitting up, rubbing your eyes with the heels of your palms, avoiding her expectant gaze.

Apparently she doesn't have patience much patience this morning. "So, about last night… is there anything you want to tell me?"

What? Tell her that you were now questioning your sexuality and trying to hold on to the sliver of change you had managed to extract from yourself while simultaneously dealing with the depressing fact that you had no idea when you would feel the way you did last night again and, due to your obligations to your inner demons, you probably wouldn't even allow yourself to? Good morning to you too Miyu. Plastering a smile on your face you turn to her and say, "Not at all Miyu. I actually wanted to thank you for driving me back." You ignore the small voice, new in its tone, that says you would much rather she had come even five minutes later so you could have had five more minutes with the girl that had reached out and touched your soul.

…

"Hey, uh- Yu-san, right? Yeah, we were talking at the party last night! I was wondering, do you know anything about the girl I did body shots with?" you ask, whispering across the aisle of your contemporary literature class.

Yu-san, the girl you had been talking by the speakers with (and by some miracle the only class you shared together was the first one of the day), snuck a glance at the teacher before leaning over and replying, "Yeah, she's an upperclassman- a junior, I think."

A small flash of irritation ran through you. Like you hadn't managed to gather at least that much by her taller, more mature stature. "Thanks. Do you know her name?" A whipping crack of a meter stick on the chalkboard makes you both jump in your seats, and the professor glares at you both as he continues his lecture. Redirecting your eyes to your blank notebook, you clench your fists futilely in your lap. Thoughts of the other girl dominate your mind and the desire to just simply know the _name_ of the girl that consumed your heart fills you to burst.

The half hour mark could not come soon enough but when it did you dodged the weighted swing of backpacks onto shoulders and caught Yu-san as she was walking out the door. "So? Do you know her name?"

"I don't," she replies, "but I heard she's called the Saint."

The epithet echoes in your head days later, bringing to mind everything else you had managed to learn about her- which seemed to be everything but her fucking _name_. She was part of a few clubs on campus that tended to the beautification of the college but when you asked for their rosters, they told you that they weren't recruiting for a few more weeks. She had friends on the track team, but wasn't actually _part_ of the team. She was single (the girl that had told you that had looked mildly confused at your overjoyed expression- you had totally _not_ made out with someone who already had a girlfriend!), but she had no dating history. The most annoying thing about your conversations with your peers was that anyone who knew anything about her simply referred to her as the 'Saint', as if they forgot her actual, very important, absolutely crucial _name_. Were you supposed to go around shouting 'Saint' as if she would magically appear?

And when you had learned why everyone called her that… it hadn't sat right with you. True, you didn't know this girl's situation, but remembering the guarded look in her eyes you couldn't help but think that she didn't have many reasons to expect people to consider her. It seemed to you like she was the one doing all of the considering, and while you admired that about her, you wondered if she ever got tired of it. You wondered if, maybe, she would let you… consider her.

But that would require you actually _finding_ her. With days of fruitless search, however, you were beginning to despair of ever seeing her again.

…

It was evening track practice, your favorite time to run. The dusk melded beautifully with the emerging stars above, the cool air ran like water along your overheated body, and conversations were easily distinguishable in the tranquil twilight air. "Miyu, you have to have noticed- there's something off about Miki-san. I don't know, she seems more, distant these past few days. Did anything happen at that party you guys went to?"

The captain and vice captain were talking while preparing the field for cool down exercises. You ran the curve, distancing yourself from their chat, but when you rounded the corner you picked it up again. "-ow. She just won't talk to me and is perfectly fine acting like nothing ever happened!"

"Maybe she just needs time to process?"

"It's been days, Matsuri, how long does she need? Besides, you didn't see her the morning after… it was like watching a face being painted on a doll, the way she was controlling her expressions. I'm worried about her. What if she's-" At this point Miyu stopped talking, looking warily at your approaching form. "Hina-chan? Is there something we can help you with?"

"Is something wrong with Aihara-san?" you ask. You hope there wasn't- maybe there was a reason Yuna-nee was usually the one to take care of things like this.

Miyu shares a look with Matsuri before answering. "She's just been down for the past couple of days, Hina-chan. She'll be fine."

"Because I know Maki-san has been really hung up on her too," you continue. Seina had spent the last couple days pestering anyone within earshot for information Aihara-san, and was looking increasingly despondent with each passing day.

At this Matsuri narrows her eyes. "Maki-san? That little pipsqueak you hang out with? What's she got to do with this?"

"I'll tell you later," Miyu interrupts. "Hina-chan? What do you mean Maki-san has been hung up on her…too?"

"She's spent the last couple of days trying to find out who Aihara-san is," you reply. "They didn't get each other's names at the party. Maki-san has actually been trying since the morning after the party… she came on my morning run just to tell me about their amazing kiss but didn't stay long enough for me to tell her Aihara- san's name."

"Kiddo," Matsuri says, "Is there a reason you haven't told her?"

"Well, I thought if she wanted me to tell her she would ask me again."

"Hina-chan…I think Maki-san would really appreciate if you told her."

Neither Hina nor Matsuri noticed Miyu departing in long, purposeful strides.

…

You twisted the key in your hand, unlocking your door, and shuffled into the apartment. It looked like neither of your housemates were home yet so with a long sigh you sling your bag on the kitchen table and draw up a chair.

The past few days were taking their toll on you. In the waking hours the burning confusion of desire clouded your mind, and when you slept all you dreamt of was the kiss. Your decision to not seek out the other girl was like a spider web in your heart, catching your emotions and eating you from the inside with the painful burn of their acidity. You had hoped that you would be able to just forget about the whole thing, but to do so would also be to surrender the modicum of transformation that had started within you; that, you were unwilling to give up. So here you were, stuck in limbo with pain at both ends of the road.

Another key turns in the lock and without flourish Miyu steps into the foyer, eyes alighting to your slumped form. "Good evening," she greets softly, and pulls up a chair beside you.

"Good evening," you say back, looking at her curiously. Matsuri wasn't with her, so that meant she was back early from track practice. Moreover, she was being more soft-spoken that usual, and the look she was giving you was oddly tender.

"Look, Matsuri and I were talking today at practice and…and even she has noticed that something's been up with you. And when Matsuri has noticed something you know it's obvious," she jests, inviting you to share in the humor with a quirky smile. When you don't react she sighs, and scoots a little closer.

"You've been acting differently ever since the party, when that freshman kissed you. Are you sure you're okay?"

Okay? You wouldn't exactly call what you're feeling okay, and you didn't want to lie to Miyu more than you already were. Unfortunately she took your unsure expression as confirmation and angrily stood up.

"I knew it! I knew she was taking advantage of you! I mean, it's not like you would have said no… But that doesn't give her the right! Well, this Maki-san? Was it? Has got another thing coming! When I see her again I'll-"

You find yourself on your feet before you could even command yourself to stand and take a step closer to Miyu. "What? You know her?" After days of mental torture and anxiety and _misery_ Miyu just pops up with the name of the girl you haven't been able to stop thinking about?

"Well, I didn't immediately, but it turns out she's a friend of Hina-chan's," Miyu replies, anger turning into bewilderment. "Why does that matter though? Didn't she… didn't she not have your consent?"

You stare mutely at the floor. At first, the whole situation had been without your consent. But then, after she had come into the kitchen… after she asked if you didn't want to do it…Technically, you had never said no. But you never said yes either.

"I'm going to get Matsuri," Miyu says, opening the door.

"No! Wait!" you yell, reaching out and shutting the door with a resounding _thud_. You _could not_ have Miyu go and hunt this girl down, not when she was the only thing standing in between you and the regression back to being split in two.

"Miki!" Miyu exclaims, drawing back to face you. "What is going on? First you act all depressed after the party but when I try to fix it you act _insane_ -"

"I liked it, okay!?" you blurt, slapping your hands over your mouth after your admission.

You and Miyu stare at each other with wide eyes until, after a minute, Miyu gestures weakly to the table. "Maybe we should, uh, sit down…" You nod and gingerly the two of you resume your seats.

The atmosphere is different now, charged in a way that smelt like change and felt like truth, like for once there was no façade to hide behind. This situation was all about you and how you felt, and although this was what you longed for the pang of uncertainty rang through your head like a gong.

After it was clear you weren't starting any conversation Miyu cleared her throat and said in a small voice, "So you…liked it?"

"Yeah," you eked out, and then a second time, stronger: "Yeah, I did." Validating out loud what you had felt since the moment the other girl touched you felt- well, it felt really good, actually. And with one small trickle of a sentence, the rest came out like a waterfall.

"It was- it was _amazing_ , Miyu. The moment she walked into the kitchen she was asking me these things, like- if I was comfortable, if I wanted to even do it, and she- she _picked me up_ , like I weighed nothing! She's at least a head shorter than me, I mean, who even does that? And then when she… touched me… Miyu, I've never felt like that before, like the way you've described to me sometimes, like there's fire in your chest and butterflies in your stomach- except they felt like fucking _eagles_ -"

You pause, then, because Miyu is holding up her hands and you're sure if her eyes got any bigger they would pop right out of her skull.

"Miki, I get that you liked the way she touched you, but… why? I mean, you've never expressed any interest in dating before, let alone dating girls, and you don't even know her. Maybe you just had too much to drink?"

"Yeah…" you draw out, bowing your head, pausing for a moment to gather your thoughts. Your first inclination is to agree with Miyu; this would be the easiest way out. All you had to do was say yes, and you could get on with life. You had simply had too much to drink; it was an explanation that would appease Miyu, and it was an explanation that you were sure you could convince yourself of. You had practice. No more worrying about burdening the other girl with your feelings, no more pain, and you could even keep hold of your recent mental developments.

But then, suddenly, inexplicably, a strong urge of pure _selfishness_ seizes your heart. You didn't _want_ to agree; you didn't _want_ to pass off your feelings as nothing but intoxication, you didn't _want_ to let go of your desires, you didn't _want_ to give up on your attentive, hot, _female_ counterpart; when you look back up into Miyu's eyes, you think this must have shown on your face, because Miyu is looking at you in a way she never has before.

"No," you say, "I was almost completely sober. She… when she kissed me, it was like…like she understood me, really, in a way no one else has before. I know it's ridiculous of me to feel this way, but…I do. And that's why I've been acting the way I have, because I decided that I wouldn't burden her with my feelings when she probably doesn't feel the same way after the party."

Even though it didn't change anything- it didn't make this girl magically appear, it didn't make her like you, it didn't even explain to Miyu _why_ exactly you felt as you did- your words were the most selfish thing you had ever said. It didn't consider Miyu's feelings, when it would have been easier to not explain at all. It didn't consider the other girl's feelings, because it would have been fairer to her to just forget. It only considered yours, and in that moment, you felt _pride_ wash over you in waves. _This_ was what it was like to be considered. _This_ is what it was like to know what you wanted, even if you couldn't have it.

"Well," Miyu says, breaking your introspection, "I have some good news for you then. You don't have to wonder how she feels because at practice Hina-chan said she's been looking all over for you, ever since the morning after the party."

A violent blush steals over your cheeks. She had been _looking for you_? So it wasn't just experimentation? Miyu chuckles at your expression. "Yeah, apparently she even went on Hina-chan's morning run just to talk about your 'amazing' kiss."

At this even more blood rushes to your head and you're sure your face is so hot an egg could be cooked off your cheeks. Miyu takes pity on you and stops the teasing. "Look, Miki, if you like this girl so much I say go for it. Her surname is Maki, and she probably lives in the freshman dorms with Hina-chan. I could get her address if you want?"

You silently nod, watching as Miyu pulls out her phone and texts, presumably, Hina, and stare further when Miyu reaches out to cover your hands with hers. "Just please," she says. "Please be careful. You haven't had much experience, and I…I just don't want you to get hurt." You promise but know that there was no way you could shield your heart against someone who could touch your soul.

That night, you go to bed with the name _Maki-san_ ringing in your head and determination ringing in your heart.

…

 _Yes_! You silently cheer, skipping down the hallway and mentally fist pumping. Last night Hina had _finally_ broke and told you what the other girl's name was, and even more, where she lived! You weren't going exactly where she lived- that'd be just plain creepy- but to a bus stop near her, so you could _coincidentally_ ride the same bus and _coincidentally_ bump into her and _coincidentally_ get her number.

 _Aihara Miki_ you think, rolling the name around your tongue. A beautiful name, you decide, for an equally beautiful girl. Although at this point you knew she was far more than her delicate looks suggested; she had to be, to be part of so much and still a good student at the university. You really liked that about her; you loved your school, and she already gave back so much.

Yet with all of the things you already liked about her- her quiet strength (so different from yours), her looks, her benevolence- you wanted to know so much more. How she looked when she smiled. How she laughed when walking to class. How she interacted with friends- how she interacted with lovers. How she would smell when hugging you. How she would feel when you held her close, how she would sound when you kissed her again. You liked the feelings she had already evoked within you, and you found yourself craving to know what else she could elicit.

You knew there was a possibility that she didn't return your feelings- she was two years older, maybe she wasn't even into girls- but you had to at least try. You wanted to confess to the girl that had reached out for you, and had so warmly given in to your embrace.

Pulling out your phone, you check the address Hina had texted you one last time- you were almost at the bus stop to go off campus- when you bump into someone walking the other direction. Your phone goes flying out of your hands and onto the ground, and your hurriedly stoop to pick it up before further damage can be done.

"I'm so sorry," a sweet voice says above you. "Here, let me get that." A hand intercepts your own and you look up into eyes you thought you might never see again.

It's her. _Aihara Miki_ your mind helpfully supplies, but it's like your mouth has been temporarily disconnected from your brain and remains firmly shut. She stands up and like a robot you follow her. "Here," she says. "I'm sorry I made you drop this." She holds out your phone for you to take.

It's then your mouth reconnects. "No! I-I wasn't looking where I was going! I'm the one who's sorry! I mean, I even bumped into _you_ -"

"Stop, please," she replies, giggling slightly. "There's no harm done, right?" She smiles. You're sure your heart stops.

A slightly awkward silence falls between you until you remember yourself. "I'm sorry! Um, I'll get out of your way," you squeak and are about to step away until she interrupts.

"Actually, I was looking for you."

…Did you hear right? _She_ was looking for _you_? "W-what? Me? Why?"

A sly grin eases itself onto her face, and she clasps her hands behind her back. "I heard you were looking for me."

Oh, _no_. She must have heard how you went all over school asking about her, and now she was here to tell you to stop being such a creep. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"I'm really glad you did," she says, and steps forward a bit. Closer to _you_. "I wanted to look for you too." Slowly she takes another step closer.

You have to look up to see her chocolate eyes. "You did?"

"Yeah," she replies, gazing back at you. This close, you can tell that she smells slightly of sunshine and lavender. "I wanted to see… if you would want to see each other in a more, _private_ setting."

"L-like a date!?" you stutter, and then she is laughing and it rings like bells through the air. She reaches out to grasp your hand.

"Like a date," she affirms, "but only if you want to, that is."

You squeeze her hand and take your own step forward. "I-I would love to." And then you reach up with your other hand, curling a wayward strand of hair behind her ear, asking silently with your eyes and your tippy-toes, _can I kiss you?_

" _Yes_ ," she breathes against your lips, and her lips are just like you remember, warm, soft, _pliant_ under yours as they meld to the shape of your own. The words that you had so carefully rehearsed ahead of time flow between your connected lips, leaving you only with the intent behind them to press against her- _I like you; will you be mine?_

" _Yes_ ," she whispers as she pulls away, and her hands come up to cup your face. The second kiss is more forceful that the first, her tongue flickering out to urge you in, and the sensation of her tongue along yours sends bolts of arousal down your spine to weaken your knees. Your arms wrap around her waist to pull her even closer to you, but you leave your grip loose enough to where she could pull away. _Are you sure you want this?_

" _Yes_ ," she sighs into you, pressing herself into your body. "Do you?"

" _Yes_ ," you reply, and kiss her again.

* * *

A/N: Well this is definitely the longest thing I've ever written, but I hope you liked it! I really wanted to explore the change that Seina evokes in Miki and I hope I did it justice :) Thanks for reading! Also kudos to anyone that catches the Blink 182 song reference ;)


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